Lane Myer is a depressed teen who looses his girlfriend Beth. This is her reason for the split; "Lane, I think it'd be in my best interest if I dated somebody more popular. Better looking. Drived a nicer car." Anyway, poor Lane is left alone and thinks up treacherous ways of killing himself. He finally meets a French beauty called Monique and falls for her. Simultaneously, he must endure his mothers terrible cooking which literally slides off the table, his disgusting next door neighbour Ricky (and his mum) and he must prepare for the skiing race of his life - to get his old girlfriend back! (

Lane Myer is obsessed with his girlfriend Beth and is crushed when she falls for the new captain of the ski team, Roy. After several failed suicide attempts, narrow escapes from the relentless paper boy, and nearly unbearable dinners at home with his crazy family, Lane finds a new love in French exchange student Monique Junot. Meanwhile, he must beat Roy on the slopes to regain his honor. (

"I can't have breakfast today mom, I've got tryouts today... I've got a nervous stomach, Don't wanna throw up in the channels again. I had to buy that guy a new hat last time"

"What the? Wait a minute here.. wait this is death here.. I havent even been to New York City.. Jesus I haven't even been anywhere."

"She itched her nose. I wonder if that was some kind of unconcious message to me that theres something on MY nose......There she goes again! What could it be? Dirt? Relish? Relish on my nose how gross she might think it's a.. oh not that.. oh no please pleaase dont let it be a booger, not now pleeeaase God"

Lane: "Johnnny"
Johnny: "Four weeks. Twenty papers that's two dollars.. plus tip"
Lane: "Gee johnny i dont have a dime. Sorry"
Johnny: "Didn't ask for a dime. Two dollars."
Lane: "Well its funny see my mom had to leave early to take my brother to school and my dad to work cos.."
Johnny:"Two dollars. CASH."
Lane: "See the problem here is that my little brother thismorning got his arm caught in the microwave... and my grandmother.. dropped acid... and she freaked out and hijacked a schoolbus....full of.. penguins... so its KIND of a family crisis come back later? great"

Lane: "That thing I put on broke"
Beth: "It broke?? it BROKE?"
Lane: "Take it easy beth I'll buy you a new one"
Beth: "I don't WANT A new one! Do you know what that means!?!"
Lane: "I'm sorry I'm sorry!"

"Hey I was just thinking... you skate.. I skate... maybe we could get together and.. be a skating team"

"Alright Joann Greenwald, you horrible thing. Here's your one chance to go out with a real stud. One night with me and she'll probably go blind with ecstacy. Poor creature. Gee I hope she doesn't grab onto my leg and start crying when the date's over. "

"I'm going to race. I'm going to lose. And, I'm going to die."

"Gee I'm.. really sorry your mom blew up, Ricky. Docter said she'll be okay, I guess she just won't be able to eat any spicy foods for a while"

"She dumped me for this real slimebag. A guy named Stalin. Stalin. STALIN. I race stalin TOMORROW. OH my god I have to get to a cave RIGHT NOW"

Screencaps coming soon!